Known Attacker
by aries03
Summary: Sam is left in the wake of an attack. How it affects her and how she picks up the pieces. Rated T for mention of violence. Rating might change later on in the story. Sam/Jack of course
1. Chapter 1

_A.N.: This idea popped into my head while reading _The Tenth Circle_. For the record, I don't have anything really against Pete. Pete was an okay guy. I don't think he was right for Carter, but hey, that doesn't make him a bad guy. However, I had to make him a bad guy in this story....I needed someone familiar to Carter, someone who could of still had a key to her house, and someone possibly wanting revenge. _

_........_

She had just laid there in silence, in complete and utter shock. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined something like this happening to her. She knew she had a thing or two going for her in the beauty department, and sure, she's gotten the creepy glances from unwanted company, but she had always thought she would be able to adequately take care of herself. She thought that her military persona would have taken over, but she felt as if she had let herself down. Numb from the inside out, she acted on instinct, calling the only person who came to mind.

"Sir, it's me...."

"Carter? _What in blazes_ are you doing calling me at....what....2 A.M.?"

She could hear the daze still in his voice, like she had woken him from a deep sleep. Although she did her very best, she knew she wouldn't be able to control the waiver in her voice.

"Sir, some...something...happened."

"I'm on my way."

As she heard the dial tone echo through the line, she let the phone drop from her fingertips onto the floor. Softly, with every body part still shaking, she slide onto her side and let her knees come up to rest on her chest.

.........

Instinct was the driving force that brought Jack to her front door. Instinct is what was making his gut whirl. The front door was wide open, and he figured it wasn't her that had left it that way. Cautiously, he made his way into her house. There was no visible sign of disturbance, no visible sign of distress, but he could feel it lingering in the air. Something definitely wasn't right. Slowly, he made his way throughout the house, searching for any hiden demons, until he made his way to the last door on the right, her bedroom. Gently, he knocked on the door.

"Carter, it's me. You in there?"

The sight as he opened the door made his head spin. Never before had he seen her looking so broken, so defenseless, and they had been through a lot together. She didn't look up to acknowledge his arrival, but he could see the tears starting to flow down her cheek. Somehow, without even the slighter murmur of a word, he just knew.

"When?"

"Not....not sure. May...be...an hour ago."

"Who?"

Her voice caught in her throat just a little. She felt like she was suffocating on the air she was breathing. Somehow, she knew saying the word would make it real, and she wasn't sure she wanted that quite yet.

"Oh, Carter."

He knew the words were adequate, but nothing would have been adequate at that moment. Hesitantly, he made his way over to the bed, carefully calculating every movement as to not startle her. His first touch on her shoulder made her shutter ever so slightly, so he drew back, but she drew closer. Her head made it's way into the nook of his chest, and as he began to stroke her hair, he could already see bruising starting to form on her face and arms. Her sobs were steadily soaking through his shirt, and he wanted nothing more than to take all the pain away.

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't...well, I didn't know who else to call. I didn't know what to do."

"Anytime, Carter. Anytime. We should really get you to the base to get checked out, though, kiddo."

After a moment, she just nodded. She tried to stand, but her feet didn't seem to want to support her weight. She fell back against his chest, and so, he swept his other hand under her legs and started to carry her out to the car. As he strapped the seatbelt around her waist, she said it. She said it so quietly that he had to strain to even make out the words.

"Pete. It was...Pete."


	2. Chapter 2

Jack was used to people in his life getting hurt. In his line of work, people went through the Stargate looking all whole and new and came back through looking like complete and utter train wrecks. However, in all the gruesome things he had seen over the years, somehow this was definitely topping the list. It was Carter laying in the seat next to him, and she was suffering. This wasn't the work of a System Lord in a far off place in the galaxy. This wasn't from a Replicator attack. This happened in the safety of her own home, while she was comfortably sleeping in her bed for the night. Out of nowhere, he feels her hand slide onto his shoulder.

"Don't tell Daniel or Teal'c, okay?"

"Carter..."

"At least not yet. I don't....I don't want everyone to know, you know."

Her voice still sounded weak. Her hand still gently trembled against the fabric of his shirt. She wondered when that was going to stop.

"Do we have to go to the base?"

She knew that she was supposed to She knew that Jack had an obligation to take her there, but she didn't want people to stare. She didn't want the questions to be asked by her co-workers. Mostly, she didn't want to feel like the laughing stock of the place.

"You know what? Why don't I call Carolyn and have her meet us at the hospital in town instead?"

"You would do that? You _could_ do that?"

"Anything, Carter. _Anything_."

..............

It was killing him not to call Daniel or Teal'c. For once, they were actually both on the planet, just blocks away. He knew they would both be here in a heartbeat. He knew they would _want_ to be here. However, he also knew that she didn't want them there, at least not at the moment, and he was going to do whatever it took to honor her wishes. So, he slumped down a little further into the waiting room chair.

When they first arrived at the hospital, Carolyn was already magically waiting. She must have been at the hospital for another reason, he guessed. As soon as he laid her down on the exam table, Carolyn got to work. Hey, its what she did best, but he wasn't sure he was ready to let go of Carter's hand. He saw a flick in her eyes saying that she was quite ready, either, but both of them knew that an internal exam like this one was nothing for him to see. So, he proceeded to the waiting room, and he hasn't left his seat once.

.............

Carter liked Carolyn. Carolyn was a great doctor, but she wasn't Janet. All the while, while Carolyn was examining ever last inch of her body, she kept asking silently for Janet. Not that it would make a difference in what had happened or the procedure being done, but it would have made a difference none-the-less. Never before had an exam bothered her so much. She almost felt immature, like a helpless child, and she hated that feeling. Lt. Colonel Carter was stronger than this, more put together than this. She knew that this wasn't a time for Lt. Colonel Carter. It was a time for Samantha Carter, and she wasn't so strong, so put together.

It took over an hour to do the complete exam. If anything, Carolyn was thorough, explaining every step along the way.

"Do you want me to go get General O'Neill for you?"

She nodded into her pillow, no words quite able to form in her mouth.

............

He didn't like the seriousness on Carolyn's face as she approached. That look of seriousness never brought anything good along with it.

"Can I talk to you somewhere a little more private?"

He nodded. He knew that Carolyn would have kept him informed either way. He was still technically Carter's commanding officer. He also knew, but the look on the doctor's face, that this was more a conversation out of friendship and caring. He followed her into an empty exam room and closed the door behind them.

"Well, I won't lie. It definitely appeared to be a brutal attack. There are fresh bruises forming all over her body, and there is definitely some _internal_ trauma."

"Is there anything I can do for her?"

"Well, I completed the necessary rape kit, and the physical exam is complete, but I would definitely recommend contacting law enforcement."

The last two words felt like a punch in the stomach. Pete _was_ law enforcement.

"Ok, doc."

"Now go on, she's waiting for you."

He needed nothing more. As fast as he could go, while still trying to look calm, cool, and collected for her, he made his way back to Carter's side. Somehow, he knew that he needed to be with her, to make sure she was safe, almost as much as she needed him.


	3. Chapter 3

_A.N.: okay, so I couldn't resist. I wrote another chapter as I was eating some breakfast. LOL. But now, seriously, am going to study...._

_........._

Jack had to admit that he was slightly surprised when Sam agreed to go to the police right away after Carolyn discharged her. When they arrived at the station, he had almost wished she hadn't. Pete was obviously very well liked since he transferred to this station, and a lot of people seemed familiar with Sam. Worse yet, a lot of those people knew that Sam had broken off the engagement with Pete. As they sat in the waiting area, waiting for the officer to come take her report, they could hear the people in the office talking. She was definitely more of a spectacle here than she would have been going to the SGC. In the end, though, that is what helped her out.

A half an hour later, in a cramped office, they found themselves sitting across from someone who actually looked mildly compassionate. Detective Hardt. Sam couldn't help but find the irony of the name reassuring. The woman had a comforting smile, an empathetic glance. As Sam retold her version of the story, the woman remained non-judgmental, even though she had worked closely with Pete for several months.

"He...he...must have still had the key I had made for him. I didn't...well, I didn't hear him come in at all. I didn't even hear him enter the bedroom. He must have known I would have my guard down. I just...just felt his arms grab me from behind. I...I lay on my side at night..."

"It's okay. You're doing great."

Sam felt Jack's hand cautiously take hers and give it a little squeeze of support. She managed a feeble smile for a second before her expression turned stoic again.

"His hand was pressed up against my mouth...I couldn't speak...and he...he was angry...said that I was going to regret...that I was going to regret leaving him behind..."

Jack felt his heart skip a couple beats in there. Listening to hear retell her story was absolutely heart-wrenching. He thought it would make him boil over with anger, resentment, but instead, it made his heart soften for her instead. He didn't want to _go after Pete_, he wanted to _be there for her_. She started to sob, and he felt his arm instinctively wrap around her. Her head rested against his shoulder as it had so many times before. This is where he wanted, no needed, to be.

The detective explained to Sam that Pete had been acting strangely since the break-up. Everyone in the office knew about the break-up; he didn't hide it well. Every day that had passed brought a little more resentment, a little more anger. That was until today. She explained that Pete had shown up at the office today in a weird sort of calm. She was afraid that Pete was actually going to hurt himself, not hurt someone else. She offered her apologies, and she told Sam that they would do their very best. That's all that she could promise at this point. Sam managed a nod before Jack escorted her out of the cramped office, through the constant stares coming from all directions, back out to the truck.

"Do you want me to call your brother?"

She shook her head no.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call Daniel or Teal'c? They are your best friends."

Again, no.

"Well, what else can I do for you then? Breakfast?"

Yet again, no. He drove in silence, giving her the space he thought she needed. They were about a mile from her house when he noticed her breathing start to quicken ever so slightly. He glanced over to see a mild look of panic flash through her eyes.

"Do you not want to go home?"

The look of fear on her face said it all. He knew she was embarrassed by it.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You can stay at my place, okay?"

She slowly nodded, and although she was trying desperately to hide it, he could see a wave of relief wash over her body. He couldn't blame her. He couldn't imagine pretending to feel safe in a place that had left her so vulnerable.

..........

He set a spare pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt on the spare bed for her. She hadn't even wanted to stop at her house for a change of clothing. That was probably for the best, anyways, because he was sure the police would probably be there doing a crime scene investigation. He then preceded to wait for her while she took a long shower and changed. He just couldn't help wanting to make sure she was safe and sound.

She looked absolutely exhausted when she came back into the room. It looked as if she had finally let the reality of the day take over, and he helped her crawl into bed. He closed the blinds to block out the sunlight, and was just about to turn off the light, when he heard her call out.

"Sir..."

He slowly turned back.

"Stay."

Without hesitation, he kicked off his shoes and crawled on top of the bed. He was extra careful to stay on top of the covers to provide that safety barrier for her. Then, he held her. He made sure to not press too hard against the bruises, but he knew that she needed to know he was there to protect her, keep her safe. Almost instantly, they both feel asleep in each others arms.


	4. Chapter 4

He awoke slowly, in the type of way where it takes a moment for the world to come into focus. His head was still a daze, and the actions of the last twenty-four hours had yet to come to the front of his mind. Both of them had been so tired, that neither of them tossed and turned during the sleep. He was in the exact same position he had fallen asleep in, and tuffs of blonde hair greeted him from slumber. For a moment, the tiniest of moments, everything seemed right. In fact, everything seemed so right for that second, that he considered the fact that he was dreaming. Countless times he had dreamed of waking up next to her, her in his arms. However, the perfection couldn't last. As his mind woke up further, the bruises on her arms came into sight. Her soft muffled cries of pain began to register in his ears. He began to realize that the pain medication that Carolyn had given her, mixed with the absence of the adrenaline of shock, must have worn off. She wasn't awake, though, to even realize it, and he made a decision to leave it that way for a moment.

As quietly as humanly possible, he slipped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Once he was a safe distance away, he pulled out his cellphone to make the necessary calls to Stargate Command. He knew that Carolyn was going to take care of making arrangements today, telling the higher up's that he had a family medical emergency, which wouldn't _completely_ be lying. Carter was a part of the small group of people he would consider _family_. However, he knew, or at least had firmly made up his mind, that today was not going to be enough. Carolyn had given Carter a week off of work for not only her physical healing, but to get a little bit of a head start of the emotional part as well. He knew she wouldn't want to go back to her house, at least not right away, and he planned to stay here with her. He wasn't even taking into consideration that she might not want company. He knew that she might put up that famous wall of hers, blocking everyone out, but he also knew that he was going to at least be in close proximity for the first couple of days in case that wall came crumbling down around her.

After his phone calls were made, with him being as discrete as militarily possible to the ones in charge, he set out to the kitchen. He couldn't cook. Well, he _could_, but it usually wasn't anything worth eating. He also had this gut feeling that she probably wasn't going to be much in the mood for heavy eating at this point in time. However, as shocking as this may be, he had been paying close attention to the directions Carolyn had given about her pain medication. Without something in the stomach, oxycodone could cause some pretty decent GI distress. Heaven only knew that Carter had enough things in her life right now to make her nauseous, her pain medication shouldn't add to that. He grabbed the package of saltine crackers, the stash he kept for when his bad nights turned into bad mornings, a glass of milk, and two pills before heading back to the bedroom.

He did his best not to make any noise when reopening the door to the bedroom, but that particular door had the slightest creak, and well, his hands were too full to try to muffle it. In the end, it didn't matter, because she was already starting to violently stir on the bed. He dropped everything that was in his hands onto the dresser, nearly spilling the glass of milk over it all, and practically flung himself back into the bed. Within seconds, his arms were holding her close again, rocking her gently.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."

She openly began sobbing again against his chest.

"I was having...having a bad dream, and I woke up...and I didn't quite know where I was...and it hurts. Everything hurts."

"Oh, Sam, I shouldn't have left you here alone. I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it back before you woke up, and I went to go get some pain medication for you, and...."

He couldn't help it; he started crying, too. Although he hadn't had to endure everything she had in the last twenty-four hours, he had this emotional turmoil that had been building inside of him, ready to burst. He had wanted to stay in control for her, be her rock, but he just couldn't do it any longer. As much as he could try to deny it, when she was hurting in such an awful way, he hurt, too. It wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to have developed such a close bond, but things don't always go as planned. He didn't even notice that he had slipped up and called her Sam. Frankly, at this point, he wouldn't have cared even if he would have noticed. After a good five minutes or so, she hesitantly pulled away from his chest.

"Did you say...you brought...pain medication?"

He slowly got up, wiped his eyes, and nodded. He took a deep, cleansing breath, regained his composure, and picked up the abandoned items from the dresser.

"I took the week off to stay with you."

She just nodded as she swallowed down the medication. Truthfully, she had expected him to do so. There were some things that they didn't necessarily need words to explain.

"Now, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. You feel free to do whatever feels best, but I was thinking that Daniel and Teal'c are going to notice us missing. You know how Daniel gets..."

Again, she nodded.

"It's okay. They can know now, but do you...you know....mind telling them for me? I just...well, I just don't want to say it _out loud_ anymore right now."

He nodded. That was certainly something he could do for her, but that could wait until a little later. Although unspoken, as were many things between them, she needed him to stay with her as she fell back asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack opened the front door to his house at 6pm to find a not-so-surprising guest starring back at him from the stoop. His guest was looking down at his feet, not saying hello, but just waiting for an explanation.

"I was going to call you."

Daniel raised his head a little, in that way when he has his doubts about what's being said.

"Seriously, I was. You just beat me to the punch. Hey, it's been a busy day."

"Jack, what's going on? I don't consider it a grand coincidence that you and Sam are both gone on the same day...what, did you two run off and finally get married, leaving us in the dust..."

The words were out of Daniel's mouth before he could stop them, and he instantly regretted them. In all honesty, that's what the rumor mill was buzzing about at the SGC. No one, besides Carolyn, had the slightest clue of what really happened. However, Daniel couldn't help but see the solemn look on his friend's face now, and he felt his heart drop as if it had been weighed down with a dozen bricks.

"Why don't you come in for this one, buddy?"

Jack signaled to keep voices down. Sam was sleeping again down the hallway, and he didn't want her to be disturbed. She had only been up for a grand total of an hour so far, but he knew that she desperately needed some physical and emotional rest. He grabbed Daniel and himself a couple of beers out of the fridge; he was sure they were going to need it. He just really didn't know where to start.

"Look, Carter didn't want me to tell anyone when it first happened, so that's why I didn't call you right away. I was _going_ to call you later on tonight when I knew you'd be home from the base. Trust me on this one, kiddo. It was _killing _ me not to call you up on this one."

He knew that he was procrastinating from actually telling Daniel the news. There were three people in Sam's life, besides possibly Mark, who cared about her well-being more their own. These three people would gladly give their lives in order to spare hers; their friendship ran that deep. He knew that those three people were himself, Daniel, and Teal'c, and when you had a friendship like that, you tended not to take news like this well.

"Jack, you're stalling."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Jack..."

"Ok, _ok_! I'll just spit it out because I don' think there is a gentle way of really putting this. Very early this morning, Carter called me saying that something had happened. Her voice sounded, well, I don't know, but something was _definitely_ off. I found her in her bedroom, curled up in a ball on her bed, looking so gosh-darn fragile, bruising starting to form all over her body. Pete apparently let himself into her house with the key he still had, snuck up in her when he knew she'd be vulnerable, and you know, _attacked_ her, _in that way_."

Daniel's eyes must have widened ten-fold. This, well, this he definitely was not expecting.

"He did _WHAT_?!?"

Daniel's explosion echoed throughout the entire house, making Jack cringe to himself. Daniel was still in shock, his face slowly turning beat red as he tried to carefully calculate every word. It took all but that moment of silence afterwards for her to appear at the entry way from the hallway. She still looked worn out, battered and bruised, but she didn't look the least bit surprised to see Daniel sitting on the couch. What was shocking was that Teal'c wasn't sitting there with him. She first looked at Jack.

"I take it hee knows?

Jack tried to give his best reassuring nod. She then turned her attention to Daniel, who looked horrified.

"Sam...I'm sorry...did I wake you?"

"It's okay, Daniel. I was laying awake in bed anyways. I knew that it was probably you at the door when I heard the bell ring."

"Are you okay? I mean, of course you're not, but still...is there anything I can get for you?"

She knew what she wanted, a good distraction. She wanted something to take her mind off of her situation for a couple of hours, possibly even a little fun somewhere in there, although she knew that one might be close to impossible at this point. She would face reality in the morning. She gave Daniel a half smirk, and his heart lifted back up slightly.

"Yeah. Three things. Pizza. A good movie. And Teal'c."


	6. Chapter 6

_A.N.: Okay, so we are passed the initial angst and into the healing phase. However, as everyone knows, healing isn't always easy, and it takes time. I had to admit that I'm not one hundred percent sure I like this chapter. We'll see. Feel free to comment. _

_............._

Team night. That's at least what she was desperately trying to imagine it was going to be. Teal'c was bringing over the pizza and movie, _War of the Worlds_. He had this weird obsession with wanting to see every _alien_ movie Earth had to offer. In the past eight years, he had been able to convince them to make quite a dent in the list. He, however, did not come bearing his usual grin of victory.

"Colonel Carter, I am sorry to hear that you are injured."

"Oh, Teal'c, it's nothing to worry about. I'm going to be just fine."

"On the contrary, Colonel Carter. I find it most unsettling that a man who claimed to love a woman would proceed to commit such a heinous crime against that same woman."

She felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach. Yes, she knew it was coming. She was just somehow hoping that she could wait and explain everything to Teal'c _after_ team night. Daniel must have already explained everything over the phone. Anger started to boil into her core, not at everybody's concern, but at the fact that they had a reason to be concerned in the first place. Heat rose to her face, and she clenched her fist so tight that they were turning pale white.

"I'm_ fine_, Teal'c. Now let's just watch the_ freakin'_ movie, _okay?_"

The words had cut through the tension in the room like a knife. She hadn't meant to snap. She's not normally the one to snap at her friends, especially Teal'c. It was almost like, for the second in time, she was an audience to her own actions, hovering, watching herself act in a way she, herself, would have never acted. Not knowing quite where to go from there, she did her best to brush it off, put back on her happy face, and preceded to take the movie from Teal'c and put it in the VCR.

Jack wasn't as surprised as the two people standing next to him with their jaws dropped. He had lived this moment himself many times before. When someone tries to force things back into place while their heart is still suffering, the contradicting forces end up spilling out like little explosions to the world. He mouthed the words _be supportive_ to the others and went to go join her in the other room.

She was already waiting on the couch. The words were still lingering in the air like a slight fog, stealing the oxygen from the room, and smothering them all, but nobody dared to mention it. Jack's eyes, however, were drawn to the beer Sam was holding in her hand.

"Um, Carter, are you really supposed to be drinking that while on that medication?"

The words were a mistake. He couldn't believe he had actually said that. He could remember countless of other times when he had been sent home on one medication or another after a failed mission, and the first thing he did was crack one open and plop down onto his couch. There was something about Carter, though, that made him not want her to end up like that. She just gave him a you've-got-to-be-kidding glare, one that conveyed that she knew he was being hypocritical.

"Um, yeah, okay. One beer's probably not going to hurt."

Jack claimed his normal spot on the couch next to her. Teal'c and Daniel both took their perspective chairs. He had already had a pretty decent conversation with Daniel, who replayed the conversation to Teal'c, about how if she wanted a team night, she was _going to get_ a team night. There wasn't a rule book on normalcy. They all knew it wasn't going to be easy to pretend that nothing happened, if even just for one night, but they were all going to give it their best shots. End of discussion. They, too, would deal with reality tomorrow.

"So, who's ready to watch a movie about _aliens_ and joke about all the inconsistencies?"

All four of them laughed. The laughter was shy and timid, creeping out of the dark shadows, but it was there. It was a start. That small thing, in and of itself, was enough to break through the awkwardness and into something mildly resembling a comfort zone.

Neither Daniel or Teal'c uttered a word when Sam curled up against Jack's chest. Neither of them even flinched as Jack allowed it happen and even encouraged it by wrapping his arm tightly around her. Normally, this would all be horribly taboo, breaking across that invisible line the two of them usually had dividing them. It actually made Daniel smile a little bit. He knew he maybe shouldn't be thinking this, but he couldn't help it. _Leave it to a tragedy to finally bring these two together. _


	7. Chapter 7

Jack awoke on the couch several hours later with Sam still curled against his chest. The house was quiet and dark. He couldn't remember Daniel or Teal'c leaving. For that matter, he couldn't remember the end of the movie. Intense pins and needles were shooting up his arm alerting him to just how long it was that he was sitting like this. His neck ached in anger at his body. He also knew that the moment he tried to reposition himself, she would wake up, and he just wanted to watch her for a little while. He supposed that one would eventually get used to things like this, but right now, he wasn't taking it for granted. Waking up with Carter in his arms was still something wonderful. It wasn't like this was the first time he had woke up in the near vicinity of her. Many missions, many nights, they have woken up in adjoining sleeping bags, but they were always so careful of actually touching. This was still something special.

His gaze must have been sending subliminal messages to her brain because she, too, woke up. For a brief second, there eyes met, and time stood still. He couldn't help but notice something wonderful.

"You're smiling."

"I was having a good dream, sir."

There was that glow in her eyes, the one she got whenever she was pouring over a new discovery in her lab. It was the look that made Jack listen to a whole lot of techno-babble just because it made her so gosh darn happy.

"Do tell. What was the dream about?"

"The Loop of Kon Garat. One of the best missions."

"Well, I wouldn't consider it one of the best missions, but I'm just glad you're dreaming about that and not _other things_."

"To tell you the truth, sir. I was dreaming about _that_, too, but the emotions of _that_ must have triggered something in my mind of how I felt when we were about to fall into the corona sphere of their sun, and there you go."

"So normalcy is in there somewhere?"

"I hope so, sir."

"Good."

.............

She waited until she the bathroom door was closed, and she was finally alone, before she let the tears fall down her cheeks. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate everything Jack was doing for her. There was just that moment, on the couch, where she knew he was happy because she was happy. It wasn't like she was lying when she had woken up in his arms. At the time, her dreams did contain the Loop, and she, and the smile on her face was genuine, but then reality hit. She already felt like a failure for letting this happen to her. She didn't want to let him down again. She held on to both sides of the porcelain sink and starred blankly into the mirror.

Her hair was a little bit longer than usual. She had been growing it out for the wedding, a useless measure now. The blonde waves and the look of her very blue eyes starring back at her through the reflection made her feel too girly, too beautiful, and she didn't want to be beautiful any more. Frantically, she started digging through the vanity drawers trying to find something useful. There was no scissors. That would be too convenient. In the medicine cabinet, though, a glare of shiny silver shined through from the blades of a bic razor.

She grabbed the soap dish from the top of the sink and smashed the bic razor until it was no more. She grabbed the blade and examined it. Surely, it would do the trick if she was careful. She thought it through for, oh, about a second, before grabbing one of the longer pieces of hair flowing over her face. With her normal precision, as if she was working with a delicate artifact, she began slicing away the hair. Blonde strands quickly started gathering into the sink. As the pile of hair grew larger, so did the quantity of tears falling. The sounds of her sobs combined with the dedication in her work drowned out the sounds of Jack breaking open the door.

He worked with desperation. He heard the pounding of the soap dish on porcelain followed by growing sobs coming from inside the bathroom. Worry started to fill ever inch of his being, and it was making it that much more difficult to break down the door. Luckily, though, he never switched out the simple latch on the door, and it was able to be jimmied open. He crashed through the door, and his heart instantly broke apart.

"Sam! Sam! Wait. Oh, Sam."

He restrained her from behind, and she collapsed into his arms once more. The razor dropped with a thud into the drain.

"I don't want to look this way, anymore. I don't know what to do, but I don't want this anymore."

He could hear the desperation in her voice, the sincerity. He held her that much more tighter.

"It's okay, alright? We're gonna get you dressed, and then I'll take you somewhere to finish what you started, okay? But let someone else do it. No more playing with small razor blades."

She continued to sob into his shirt as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. He was just glad that she was using the blade to cut her hair and not something else. He was thrilled to be able to hold her in his arms once more.


	8. Chapter 8

She came out of the hair salon with hair just a tad shorter than the Thera incident. Her hair was also dyed the darkest brown Jack had ever seen. She told Jack that she wanted to become less beautiful, or something along those lines, but he didn't think that was even possible. To him, her beauty wasn't on the outside. Sure, she was good looking, and changing her hair didn't make her any less good looking, but her beauty, her actual beauty, was on the inside. When you are filled with a beauty so genuine, so real, changing the outward appearance won't make it go away, but he wouldn't dare tell that to her right now.

"Come on, Carter, let's get you out of here. Do you want to stop by the house to pick up a change of clothes?"

"Not really."

"Alrighty then. To the store, it is. Luckily, we're in a mall, so that won't be too difficult."

.........

They were walking back to the car three hours later, all four hands full of clothing bags, when they saw him. He was leaning up against the wall, just smoking a cigarette. He looked so smug, so full of himself, and it made Jack want to puke. He heard bags crashing to the ground and saw Sam looking as if she had seen a ghost, her face pale, her features in shock. He had never been so torn in his life. He could either go beat the guy to a bloody pulp, which would make him feel so much better, but would probably be devastating to her, or he could take her far away from here, protecting her in any way possible. In the end, he knew he had to choose the later. Her needs came first.

He gathered up the bags that had fallen to the ground and began to lead her back towards the car. It was when they turned there back that they heard it, an all-too-familiar voice.

"Pete Shannahan, you have greatly injured Colonel Carter, and for that, you must pay."

Then, there was a second, all-too-familiar voice.

"Teal'c, you know I want to see the guy pay just as much as you do, but this isn't the way. We should instead detain him and turn him over to the authorities."

Jack turned around first, closely followed by a still-in-shock Sam, to see quite the sight. Teal'c had Pete pinned up against the wall of the mall by his neck. Daniel was about two feet behind him, trying to talk him down. It was obvious that neither of those two had noticed them standing in the parking lot. Both of their backs were to Sam and Jack at the moment, but at this point, Pete was starring right at them. Daniel must have noticed Pete's gaze shift and fix because he turned around to see.

"Sam..."

Teal'c dropped Pete to the ground, and too, turned around to see.

She couldn't tell what had made her do it. Instinct maybe, but she broke out into a run. Countless years of military training had caused speed to definitely be on her side, but Jack had even more years of military training. He lunched after her and tackled her to the ground.

"I couldn't...I couldn't watch Teal'c do that. He meant well. Teal'c did, but I couldn't watch him do that...because of me..."

"Nobody's doing anything. Danny boy will make sure of it, okay? Are you okay?"

She nodded. In all the commotion, she hadn't even realized that they had ended up on the ground. She knew she should probably get up and brush herself off, but instead, she just laid flat on her back, looking up at the sky. She was wishing she was out there right now, instead of in the grass in front of the parking lot of the mall. Out there tended to make more sense than her life here anyways. She liked things that were all laid out for her. Wormhole physics, stargates, DHD's....sure problems arose, but for the most part, all that stuff was predictable to her. Her life, this life right now, was anything but predictable.

She felt Jack's hand reach for hers, and she realized that he had chosen to stay laying right beside her.

"Sir, how come I can handle a platoon of Jaffa chasing after me, but this....this scares the absolute hell out of me."

"I wish I knew, Carter. I wish I knew."

He heard a siren approaching from the distance, and he realized that Daniel must have succeeded in notifying the police department of Pete's whereabouts. Within a few minutes, Daniel and Teal'c where standing by their sides in the grass, carrying the abandoned clothes bags. None of them thought it odd that all four of them had ended up at the mall at the exact same time, in the exact same place as Pete. In the grand scheme of things, weirder things have happened, and they were just all happy to be together at that point. Without saying a word, they all headed back to Jack's SUV, stronger together.


	9. Chapter 9

_A.N.: Sorry for the delay. It's hard to get into a story about grieving around such a happy holiday :) You'll have to let me know what you think with this one. It's a little bit of a jump, and I'm not entirely sure I have gotten back into the groove of the story, so comments are appreciated._

_........_

She knew that Pete had been arrested. Detective Hardt said that he even confessed to everything, surprising as that was to hear. However, Sam knew that things didn't always go away just as soon as the cause was taken care of. It was hard to look in the mirror every day and not completely recognize the person starring back in the reflection. She also knew that it wasn't just the butched, colored hair and defeated eyes, it was everything else in her life as well. Mirrors, well, they force you to be a little more truthful with yourself, and that was something she was still struggling with.

Two months after the fact, she was sitting curled up in a little ball on the end of Jack's couch. To this day, she had only been back to her house once, and that was to move everything out of it. As much as neither of them wanted to admit it, it wasn't entirely because of the incident. Both had secretly enjoyed being able to come home at night to know that someone was there waiting. No, they weren't really in a relationship per se. She slept in the guest bedroom. After the first couple of days, he went back to sleeping in the master. They weren't romantically involved yet, but they were company to what used to be each other's lonely lives.

He had just arrived home to find her like this on his couch, and he couldn't help but smile. Yes, smile. She had her nose stuck in a romance novel which, by the way, no longer shocked and amazed him. In that moment, that split second, she looked completely content and happy. Those moments were rare. If she wasn't buried deep down within herself, she was overwhelmingly stressed with work. Sure, Earth was free from any mortal enemies for the moment, but she had been using this time to fidget in her lab, working endlessly on new projects meant to battle any new enemies that might come along. He was happy that she was keeping busy, possibly a little concerned that she worked too many hours, and internally worried that she was using the projects as an excuse to hide.

She looked up from her book and smiled, and just like that, that split moment on contentment was gone. Once again, he saw something hidden in the smile. She had been doing this more and more lately. At first, he took it as the next step in grieving. Sure, after the incident, she had moments of denial, but there had definitely been something new to this look in her eyes. A new stage in grieving he could deal with. That's why he had let it slide for as long as he had. However, with grieving, things should be getting better, not worse, or at least he thought. No, something was eating away at her, some hidden feeling that she once again wasn't feeling. He wordlessly went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of red wine, her favorite, and sat down on the couch next to her. She took it without question.

"So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?"

She looked down at the book in her hands and sighed. Frankly, she had been hoping that her smiles had been fooling him, but she also knew that he knew her better than that.

"Jack..."

"Hey, if it's the Pete thing, that's okay, but you should say something, do something, just stop looking so gosh darn sullen."

"Jack...."

"And you know that I may not be the best at this type of, I don't know, thing, but I sure as heck are going to support you in whatever you say."

"JACK!"

He finally looked up and noticed her trying to talk. He had been so prepared for her to shut down that he hadn't been prepared for her to actually want to talk. He looked straight at her and noticed, for the first time, a new sincerity glittering in her eyes.

"It's not the Pete thing, Jack. Well, not entirely, anyways. Well, maybe some of it is. Do you remember the Adrian Conrad incident?"

"How could I forget? I got shot, remember. Not to mention the fact that the thought that you had gone missing for forty-eight hours without anyone noticing scared the living daylights out of me."

"Yeah, well. Those men drove up from out of nowhere and grabbed me as I was putting my bag into the trunk of my car. I felt like I had left my guard down. I had thought that there was no way an air force major would allow herself to be taken like that. After that incident, I vowed to never let myself become that vulnerable again. Then, low-and-behold, I had let my guard down again, and this happens to me. Except this time, I am an air force colonel with more experience. I feel like the biggest failure on this one, Jack."

"Sam, nobody can be on all-alerts one hundred percent of the time. We all become vulnerable, even people like us with an uber amount of combat experience. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Well, yeah. Logically, I know that. However, it just was a very bad time for it all to happen. I was in a very emotional state then, you know. I had just made the huge decision to break off my engagement. My father passed away. Then, there was that whole thing with us..."

He almost choked on the wine he was drinking, and he winced. That comment hit like a blow. He didn't realize that he had done anything wrong to upset her back then.

"Us?"

She could feel it well up inside her. She knew she couldn't stop it. It wasn't his fault; he didn't do anything wrong, but he just happened to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time as her emotional barricade came crashing down into a million pieces.

"God, Jack! Seriously? Are you blind? Of course I was in emotional turmoil over 'us'. I freakin' love you, for crying out loud! I came to your house the day my father passed away because I was going to tell you everything, all the hidden feelings I had been keeping from you. Then, Kerry was there, and it was all just a freakin' mess. So then, heaven help me, I swallowed those same feelings back down, and we went on living our lives, but of course, that didn't change the way I felt. And now, now you've been so nice to me, and I appreciate it. I really do, but it just makes my feelings for you even stronger, and the lord knows, it scared the living daylights out of me to even think about letting my guard completely down around you. It's all so damn confusing, and I don't like to be confused, but I can't stop freakin' loving you."

Before he even knew what he was doing, before his brain could completely register everything that had been said, he found himself holding her in his arms. As there lips met, he let all of his emotion flow into her, and he could feel the stream of emotion coming from her. There were feelings of a long standing desire, of empathy to what had just been said, of anger for what had happened to bring them to that point, and, of course, lingering relief. It was a release a long time in the making, and they both broke apart with tears in their eyes.

"I love you, too."


	10. Chapter 10

She just sat there on the couch, starring. It wasn't so much that she was surprised at his response. Deep down, she supposed that she had always known that the feeling was mutual. The thing that was grounding her was more so the pure relief that everything was coming out into the open. She couldn't believe the transformation happening in the very depths of her soul. Hiding their feelings for so long had caused her to not want to know, not want to ask the questions. Now, questions were almost overwhelming her very being. She wanted to know everything.

"How long?"

He couldn't believe the transformation either. He actually chuckled with delight because this time, her smile was actual genuine. She looked like a kid in a candy store, and he supposed that he looked just about the same.

"That I've loved you?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Well, aren't you just a little nosy? Well, truth be told, I've liked you from day one. It takes some kind of woman to challenge her soon to be commanding officer to arm wrestle. My god. Love, though? Honestly? I knew I loved you as I made the decision to undergo Anise's experiment during the za'tarc testing so that any information obtained could be used to save you."

There was no doubt in her mind that he was absolutely serious. If the look on his face right now didn't give him away, the look on his face during as he walked down that hall to undergo the experiment surely did. She remembered that day very clearly. She is just glad that she gained just an ounce of courage compared to what he must have mustered up so that she had the gull to get them to express their feelings.

"Do you regret it?"

"What? Agreeing to undergo the experiment to possibly save your life? Not in a heartbeat. Would do it again in a second."

"No. You know what I mean."

He starred down at the almost empty wine glass in his hand. There was never any denying that he was bad at relationships. Communication at this level was never quite his thing, but he knew that she knew him at a level surpassed by everyone else, including Sara. They had been through too many intimate things to not know each other on this type of level, so if he was going to be honest with anyone, it would be her.

"Truthfully? No. Probably not. I mean, sure, would I have liked to have pursued a relationship with you? You betcha, but we both know that we wouldn't have been able to continue working together. Sam, we've done some pretty exciting things side by side. You were the best damn second in command an air force officer could ask for. Heaven only knows just how much of a national treasure you are. I wouldn't have traded those moments for anything."

He looked her straight in the eyes, truly tried to connect to her in the fullest to get his message across.

"What about you?"

She thought back to all their years of service together. She had learned so much from just about every mission they went on together, and she knew she wouldn't be just who she was today if it wasn't for his command. She also thought about all those times that he held her close, lingering in a hug because that was as far as they could even think about going.

"There are times that I had genuinely wished that things could have been different. I mean, in all honesty, if we would have took our feelings out of that stupid room, I would have never met Pete. None of this would have ever happened...."

She saw his face completely drop. His eyes fell back down to the empty wine glass. His shoulders slumped. Obviously, he had never thought about it from that perspective.

"Hey, look at me."

Slowly, he began to raise back up so that they were once again face to face.

"Sure, the whole Pete thing would have never happened, but if it wasn't for that whole Pete thing, these past few months with you would have never happened. If it wasn't for everything that happened with Pete...the dating, the engagement, everything that followed...well, let's just say that all made me appreciate you that much more. I just hope that the whole thing doesn't make me appear flawed."

With a raised eyebrow, he cleared his throat like he always does when exceptionally shocked.

"Flawed? Now, why in the world would I think of you as flawed?"

"Well, I did have quite the uncharacteristic emotional breakdown for awhile there. Heck, I even dyed my hair..."

"Sam. It's perfectly normal for a woman to, you know, feel that way after that. Yes, I know you think of yourself as having to maintain this perfect military persona, but you and I both know that a real human being, with wants and feelings, lives in there somewhere. That doesn't make you weak or flawed. That makes you human, just like the rest of us....except maybe Teal'c, of course, but even Jaffa must have emotional breakdowns _at some point_, right?"

She just laughed a full hearted laugh, the one that always escapes when she thinks something is ridiculous. This, of course, made him completely crack up. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Yeah, you're right. Of course Jaffa don't."


	11. Chapter 11

_A.N.: LOL. Don't blame me if this chapter sucks. I've been sick for the past week and my brain might not be working quite right. :) As always, reviews are appreciated, so that if the chapter needs fixing, I know the correct things to fix. _

_.........._

She leaned over the edge of the bed slightly to pull up her black stockings. Every moment she made, she could feel a little bit more air being pushed out of her lungs until it felt like there was nothing left to breathe. The past week in the O'Neill household had been wonderful. There was even a little whimsy in the air now that their mutual feelings were out in the open, but this day was always just looming somewhere around the corner.

She pulled herself up and into the bathroom to once again stare at herself in the mirror. She pulled at her dark, maroon shirt, wishing that maybe it was black to fit her emotions. Maroon, however, just seemed right. Red to her had always seemed to be a color of violence, of death. Most people found this absolutely crazy, but when you've been to war, seen the blood of your enemies stain into the concrete, it becomes harder and harder to view it as a color of love. She found it kind of ironic that it was also Pete's favorite color. Boy, did he ever love the color red. He always bought her red roses which she secretly despised. Her heart pounded in her chest as she thought of the shirt as a victory stand, that she would wear his favorite color today.

She knew that Jack was waiting for her downstairs. They really didn't have too much time to waste, but she also knew that he would never rush her. The phone call came as quite the surprise, actually. The judge that was assigned to the case had a massive heart attack just days before the case was to appear in court. The other judges all currently had full calendars, and since Pete had already confessed to being guilty and waived his right to a full trial, this case wasn't of a grave enough importance to push another case out of the way. That is the explanation she had been given for the delay, anyways. Now, months later, Pete was finally going to be receive his official sentence.

"Sam, are you okay?"

Out of nowhere, an additional reflection was starring back at her in the mirror. Before she knew it, the words were flying out of her mouth, totally beyond her control.

"I've changed my mind. I don't think I want to go."

She knew fully well that she didn't have to be there. There was no trial. She was never going to have to testify. The district attorney had just strongly suggested that she come for a sense of closure, but instinctively, she knew that was not how she would gain closure. No amount of maroon shirts would ever change that. Her closure always came best by simply moving forward. She couldn't explain it better if she tried, and she wasn't expecting his approval. That made the approval that much more sweet to hear.

"Okay."

He pulled her into a hug from behind. Softly, he rested his chin on her shoulder and joined her surveillance into the mirror. Truth be told, he really hadn't been looking forward to going, either. Oh, don't be fooled. He would have loved to have seen the look on that poor sap's face as that sentence was being handed down, but he didn't want to see the look on hers, nor could he have guaranteed that he wouldn't have done something stupid in the heat of the moment.

"Daniel and Teal'c are going regardless. They can always tell us the ending."

"I'm not weak, you know. This isn't about that fact that I couldn't handle going. I _could_ handle going."

"I know."

"It's just...I was looking at this shirt, this stupid shirt, and all I could think about was hatred. God, Jack. This past week has been too wonderful for me to start thinking that way again. Not now. And man, I must really sound like a complete idiot."

He started laughing, full-out laughing. He couldn't help himself. Something about that comment just tickled at his core.

"Sam. Really, now. I don't think there's a single thing you could ever say that would make you sound like a complete idiot. It is _you_ we've talking about."

And just like that the mood was broken. She was laughing against his chest. It was the most amazing thing that Sam had ever experienced. She couldn't believe that less than five minutes ago she was thinking about the blood of her enemies staining the concrete, but he had that way of doing that to her without even trying. Now this, this was the closure she was looking for.

"Thank you."

"It was nothing."

She smiled at the familiar line as he placed a gentle kiss side of her neck.

"Think nothing of it."

As she nestled herself back into to her favorite spot on his chest, she wasn't thinking about the courtroom that she wouldn't be going to today. She didn't think about the sentencing, or the witnesses, or Pete sitting in a cold chair behind the defense table. She didn't think about the clothes she was wearing and the symbolic meaning behind them. She didn't think about gloom, violence, or death. This was the first time in, gosh, as long as she could remember, that she looked into a mirror and didn't feel utterly alone by the image she saw. The only thought that was occupying her mind was the content looking couple that was now starring back at her.


	12. Chapter 12

How she then proceeded to end up on the stairs to the courthouse, she really had no idea. Maybe it was his reassurance that she didn't need to be there. Maybe it was the stubborn military persona that harbored inside of her that was always seeking victory and retribution for crimes committed. Maybe it was the fact that she did not want her need not to be there to appear to on-lookers as her _not being able_ to there. More likely, it was a combination of all these things and possibly even a little more. The rationale behind the decision was ultimately mute. She was there, standing in front of the giant oak doors, and she wasn't turning back now.

"Ready?"

There were rain clouds looming in the distance, creating a mild sense of irony. She turned towards Jack and smiled.

"Ready."

The hesitation in the bathroom earlier caused the two to be running slightly behind. Luckily for them, the case was running behind as well. Spectators were few, but that really wasn't too surprising. She noticed Pete's parents sitting in the third row on the left and how the averted their gaze as to not look at her. There were a few fellow officers that were doing just about the same. If she had to guess, she would not have called their looks angry or hurtful but more so that her presence reminded them of the act committed. Daniel and Teal'c were in the front right, waiting patiently for them to arrive. By the gesturing involved, one could only assume that Daniel was attempting to explain the American court system to Teal'c, still naive to such matters. The only thing that really did surprise her was the person sitting in the bench directly behind her two comrades, her brother Mark.

She intentionally forgotten to call her brother after the incident. Maybe right after the incident. Sure, but she was planning on calling him when the time was right. Then, the days turned into weeks, and Denver was never called. The sub-conscience mind does not lie, though, and that is where true intentions really lie. After her mother's death, she would instinctively burrow her problems away, always attempting to be the tough girl, to prove she didn't need taking after. Ultimately, this created a gap the size of the Grand Canyon between her and Carter men. Sure, the relationship between her and her brother had improved greatly since Selmak, but some instincts never truly change, this being one of them. On top of it all, there was the little fact that Pete was ultimately Mark's best friend. Anyways, the point is that she sure didn't tell him what happened, and so he must have found out through the grapevine. No matter the reason, his presence in the cold, drab courtroom made all that much more of a difference. As if telepathically, that thought made him turn around in the bench he was sitting in to face her. Their eyes met across the courtroom, and a faint shiver ran down her spine. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt a true feeling of connection and caring with her brother.

When Pete was escorted in, it almost felt like the temperature in the place dropped a good ten degrees. His face was sunken, his posture hollow. As she sat there, with her hands delicately intertwined with Jack's, she got this odd sense that the emptiness inside her got transferred into Pete when she found her happiness, and for some reason, that seemed to give her a sense of justice in and of itself. The actual sentencing itself was short. He received the average nine year term with possible bail after five. As much as she didn't want to admit it, as the bailiff escorted him away, it felt as a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders.

They all were going back to Jack's to celebrate, including Mark...just a small little shing-dig among friends and family to create a sense of togetherness and well-being. It was in the hallway that she heard the distinctive voice calling out to her.

"Samantha."

She turned around to see Pete's mother frantically trying to catch up to her. She could see in Jack's eyes that he thought it was a bad idea, but she felt like this was something she had to do. Pete's mother did nothing wrong, and she deserved a little closure, too.

"Samantha, I know words do much justice with something like this, and really, I don't know what to really say. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I guess. You did the right thing, you know. Calling off the wedding. We could all tell that he wasn't quite the right guy for you, but he liked to pretend, I suppose. For awhile there, Pete was really understanding about it, but then he became dark again, like he used to be back when he was younger, you know."

Her voice grew almost into a whisper. Sam could tell how hard it was but how much it must mean for this woman to get it off her chest.

"He turned back to drugs, and he got mean and withdrawn. Sure, I was worried, but I never, never, thought he would have done something like this. If I only would have seen it coming, I swear..."

"Debra, you did nothing wrong. It was Pete's choice. Pete's decision for himself. We can't change what's happened, but we don't have to dwell on it either."

"You were always such a sweet girl. I just wanted you to know."

Debra patted Sam on the back before turning and running off into the small crowd forming in the hallway. It was then that the rain started to pelt on the concrete outside, and it was then, in the split second, that Sam felt the pieces of her life shift back into place. She folded into Jack's outstretched arm, and they walked out into the rain side by side.

..........

The next day, Sam came waltzing out of the hair salon, whistling the song, _Singing in the Rain_. Her hair was golden blonde again and gorgeous, as always. That night, she started to unpack some of the boxes that she had stored away in Jack's basement. They both knew she was home to stay.

..........

A couple weeks later, she felt like Jack and her and a perfect rhythm going. They drove to work together every morning, drove home together every night. For two people who started out not being good at the whole communication thing, they found that they never had a moment of awkward silence anymore. When they didn't have something to talk about, their silence was harmonious. Both knew fully well that you didn't always need to talk to effectively communicate.

..........

Two months after that, Sam permanently moved into the master bedroom with Jack. Their relationship had developed slow, and that is exactly what she needed at the time. However, there comes a time when enough is enough, and there is no more denying certain needs and wishes.

...........

One year later, Samantha Carter finally had her fairy tale ending. With Vala, Cassandra, Daniel, and Teal'c by their sides, the two exchanged vows on the pier at Jack's Minnesota cabin. The sun was setting over the pond when they had their first kiss and husband and wife. She couldn't help but think of it as a metaphor for the sun setting on her old life, her old troubles, and tomorrow it would raise again on her new life, her new journey.

Her toast was simple. "Sometimes, life gives you a bucket full of sour lemons. It's not always planned. Sometimes those lemons are quite frightening and self-revealing, but all it takes is a little bit of sugar to make the best lemonade you've ever tasted."

..............

The End.

................

_A.N.: So, did you like the ending? Was it fitting? I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you to everyone who keep reading all the way through, for those who contributed suggestions, and the always wonderful reviews. Appreciated as always :) _


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